Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
