I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
