Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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