She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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