if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
