Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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