Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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