I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
