that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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