If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
