somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
