I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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