Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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