i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
