Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
