Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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