i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
