ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
