If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
