Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
