She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
