is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
