Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
