Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My ass is underappreciated
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
