she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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