Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize