I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't want my vagina anymore.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just puked most of my soul out..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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