I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
