I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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