but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
