i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
