i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
