He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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