trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
