remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
