i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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