How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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