I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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