i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
