so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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