Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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