Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Randomize
