Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
