I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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