Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
