Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
