Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
