The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
