Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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