you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
