Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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