ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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