Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
