They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
