things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
