Jerry, you need to find god
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
