I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
