Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
