Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
