I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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