I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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