Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
