1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
