non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
