I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just pee around me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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