Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
