I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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