hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
